"A starving artist isn’t hungry for food, but hungry to create. Not just creating art, but creating an opportunity for yourself." -Michelle Phan
As the loft was being serenaded by the soulful songs of my friend Alma last night, I felt a sense of peace, comfort, and familiarity that I’ve almost forgotten.
It was the familiarity of being around artists. Artists who were not only studying their craft, but were doing it, living it, and loving it. Artists who put thought in their craft, had discussions about it, and always wondered how they would push themselves to the next thing. I think I also got reminded though that I was like that at a point in time and kind of lost it.
It’s weird balancing two loves. I love helping people, but I also love writing. I am a writer.
When things are getting crazy in the world and they seem to be hitting home for me I need to write about it to process.
When things are getting crazy in my life, I need to sit down and process it all.
When I hear a new song that I love and my own words that seem to weave so perfectly together pop up in my head, I need to write it down.
When I see a painting or drawing that challenges me in some way, but I just can’t seem to see how, I need to write it down and figure it out.
The thing is though, as of recent, I’ve just been tired. Going from CSM to JPUSA I feel like I’ve just been giving myself constantly, but then heading off to Mission Year in 2 weeks I’ve been also giving myself to my friends. I’ve been giving myself to so many people that by the time I do have time to myself I just want to sleep.
If you gave me the chance to go to the middle of nowhere for one day just to write, I would love that. The thing is though, I would need that more than once.
I guess I am coming to a point in the road where I have to make a choice. Either I can keep on wondering how I can do this, or I can make it happen.
It’s weird getting to this point in adulthood where you have to make official Sabbath days for yourself before you get to a breaking point, or actually make a bedtime for yourself.
These are the times when I wish I was 18 again. Young, invincible (in my mind), and able to stay up doing homework till 2am almost every week with no problem. Man, I was crazy in college.
Maybe I can’t do all those things I did in college anymore, but I can keep that hunger.
I can keep that hunger of living what you love, even when you’re tired and you have given your all to everyone else.
Well, here’s to figuring out how this will work. Bear with me, i’m just a starving artist realizing I’ve been ignoring my hunger.